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Conventional wisdom and life experience tell us that differences over money lead to stress in relationships and even divorce. A recent study by Jeffery Dew at Utah State University showed couples who had disagreements over money once a week were 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about money only a few times a month.

One of the biggest problems we see is that couples aren’t always on the same team when it comes to spending, saving and paying off debt. If you are in a committed relationship you need to have a shared vision for your life, and that includes your financial life. Couples often have competing interests when it comes to money, or really have never taken the time to examine their financial habits.

It’s rare for couples to talk about their financial health while they are dating. They talk about work, friends, family life, religion, and even politics, but it’s still taboo to discuss money. No one really wants to sit down over a candlelit dinner and compare their credit reports, but they should.

Whether you are dating or married, it’s not too late – or too early – to have a financial plan.

Accounting 101

Couples need to get an idea of how they are spending their money. If you aren’t following a budget, sit down and look at where you are spending your money each month. Most of us have a good idea about how much we spend on rent, cars, utilities and other fixed expenses. But often couples are shocked when they realize how much they really spend on eating out and on other forms of entertainment.

*According to a recent CESI Debt Solutions poll, 28 percent of Americans report that they don’t plan to create a household budget for 2010, much less stick to it. If you are serious about having good financial health as a couple, you need to a written budget, not just a vague sense of how much you can spend each month.

Credit Crunch

Read your credit report and share it with your partner. Full disclosure of your credit report is useful because you should know about your loved one’s credit history before applying for a mortgage or car loan. A credit report serves as a personal financial history and a snapshot of spending habits, and is a good starting point for discussions about spending and what you have both learned about managing money. Also, if you find there are mistakes are on the report you have time to correct those and improve your credit rating before applying for a loan.

Setting Goals

After you have a clear picture of how you are spending your money each month, it’s time to create a budget that will allow you to meet your financial goals – whether that’s paying off debt, saving for a home renovation or putting aside money in a rainy day fund. CESI Debt solutions recommends a financial summit in which couples discuss their life goals and the role money plays in that. Does someone want to go back to school? Do you want to own a home? Do you want to start a business? Retire early? Travel around the world? It can be very exciting for couples to map out what they want their money to do for them long term. Good money management is really one of the building blocks of a successful and fulfilling personal relationship.

*The CESI Debt Solutions survey was conducted by Public Policy Polling and surveyed 426 Americans during December 28-29, 2009.